WORST PICK UP LINES EVER

Knowing that the attraction between you and that cute person is mutual… trying trendy new restaurants… getting that rush from smooching someone for the first time—these are just a few of the perks to the single life. But, alas, there is a downside to being relationship-free: The torture of being subjected to stale, decades-old, pick-up lines is penance for all that fun.

In a survey taken across a range of age groups, geographical borders and lifestyles, we have compiled the top 10 worst pick-up lines that have sullied the ears of singles everywhere. Read on, and see how many of these have been lobbed in your direction.

1. “What’s your sign?”
The epitome of cheese, this line, which has been around since the Beatles came to America, ranks as the very worst line in dating history.

2. “Pardon me, I seem to have lost my phone number, can I borrow yours?”
Maybe this was funny around 1910 or 1915—back when the telephone was a novel appliance. It does not inspire smiles now, only scared and doomed looks.

3. “You must be a broom because you’re sweeping me off my feet.”
Maybe your dad used this one on your mom and for nostalgia’s sake, you’re bringing it out again. Nostalgia does not get you dates, only pity.

4. “Do you have a license? Because you’re driving me crazy.”
Caution! Watching too many stupid teen movies impairs your judgment. This probably sounded clever to the person who swiped it from an Annette and Frankie beach party flick.

5. “I gotta thirst and baby, you look like my Gatorade.”
Generally, comparing potential dates to food or drinks is not a winning move.

6. “Are you lost? Because heaven’s a long way from here.”
Maybe angels like this one, but real women don’t.

7. “Are you religious? Because you’re the answer to all my prayers.”
Prayer is something that anyone who uses this tacky line desperately needs.

8. “Can I take your picture? I want Santa to know exactly what I want for Christmas.”
This line is popular with both men and women who think references to Santa are cute and charming, which are qualities that they never possess personally.

9. “Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again?”
I know it’s an old one but it took guts to say it.

10. “Well, here I am. What are your other two wishes?”
A personal favorite, this one takes a certain amount of arrogance, as well as delusion, to pull off.

SORRY...NO SHORTKEYS IN REAL LIFE

Everyday... I'm answering e-mail, making reports etc etc... and I realized how shortkeys really helped me on doin all these tasks. I've realized... if only we could use shortkeys in real life... it'll be a lot of fun!

For example, earlier before going to work, I can't find my ID. If our lives were only influenced by shortkeys…I should be capable of pressing Control+F and find my ID!

Umpteen times we would do or say something to our managers and immediately realize that in life there is no going back. That is to say, there is no Control+Z.

How much I wish there were a Control+Z in real life. There are no memos flyin around my desk lol... and shouldn't have been scolded by my girlfriend.

Imagine you're all alone smoking in the smoking area with one of those HOT GIRLS in your office, you can just do a Control+C and then a Control+V to all your pick-up lines and see if this pretty girl falls for the lines that your girlfriend fell for. It would save you from using the same lines again and again…especially since you would have been using it since your late teens. A little like your teachers in highschool using the same old notebook to teach since 1967.

If only our real lives were really influenced by shortkeys, we could just pressed F5 and refreshed ourselves in the evenings and rushed to parties. And when it was time for office, leave the club…. press F5, refresh yourself and be in office.

But alas, that is not to be. And we are forced to make choices. Club? Or Office? If only a Control+A worked here! BTW, Control+A selects all.

You are probably wondering why you're reading this crappy Blog. Don't like it?! easy… just press Alt+F4.

SECRET OF STAYING YOUNG

If you don’t know this, you are probably young. But the secret of staying young is to lie about your age. For example, next year, I'll be 23... promise :)

The good thing about aging is that you don’t have to do anything. Just keep advising and people will notice that you have grown old. By the way, I have no advices for anybody.

Does one become intelligent with age? I am not too sure. I guess, the young fools grow up to become old fools. All that talk of experience (that comes with age) making one sober is bullshit. OK fine... old bullshit.

As I said earlier, with age... advice starts flowing. Guess, when they become too old to set a bad example, they start giving good advice.

Talking of advice, I would say the best way to follow an advice is... do exactly the opposite of what is being said to you. Or better still... if you consider the advice very good, type it in a notepad, take a print out, frame it and hang it on your bathroom wall - one that gets the maximum water splash from the shower.

If you ask me what a good advice would be... I would say... find out what the other person wants to hear and then give him just that. At least, he wont put it up on his bathroom wall.

And why am I advising you? Don’t ask me... I am just worried about the younger generation. On second thoughts... I guess they would also grow up and start worrying about the younger generation.

So what are we trying to say here? Nothing... guess I am really just getting old.

THE FALL OF MACHISMO

I have a feeling that very soon it wouldn't be cool to have a male child. I don’t know if you'll agree with me, but it is a fact that today 50% of the households start expecting a boy child as soon as somebody in the family gets pregnant. The rest are OK, if the child is born healthy.

Now, I have a feeling…the men are losing out in the battle of sexes. Times have changed. Women have started doing everything that was once considered man’s domain. They wear maong pants, they earn money, they are in the army, they decide…everything that WAS a man’s birthright …is today a woman’s job.

Not just in the outside world…even at home…she watches TV, reads the sports pages, warms the sofa and orders Pizza. The only thing that was a man’s responsibility (and his right) and is yet to be taken over by women is the ‘act of initiating sex’. But then, the success rate has been declining alarmingly.

Looks like very soon the women won’t need us. Even today, the only thing we men are being used for is to provide a fatherly figure for their sons and daughters.

They have hit back at us…and we are going to disintegrate. Soon, I think there would be male infanticide. With so few men to choose from and so many women dominating the scene…male prostitution will begin. Men will dress up in sexy dresses and 'll hit Malate... Quezon Ave... Cubao…women will come in cars to pick up the man of their choice.

The next day these tired men will be dropped near bus-stops in the same cars. Women will learn to spot the male-prostitute. There would be red-light areas where men would hang around …and talk dirty to attract the women. Women would letch at the men, thus lowering their self-esteem even further. One good thing of all this turn out would be…there would be no kids in red-light areas... because the men won’t be diagnosed with pregnancies.

With all the employment opportunities taken, men will rush towards the vacuum created by women... servants, baby-sitters, alalay, B-O-Y who would have joined the mainstream. They will do the house-keeping while single-women went about their work. They will ran erands...THEY WILL CLEAN THE TOILET.

Tnx to Kha-yeh... The good thing is I am already trained for such a scenario ;)

ANG PANGARAP NI RAMON

PAALALA: Ang kwentong ito ay kathang isip lamang, ang anumang pagkakahawig ng mga pangalan ng tao, lugar at pangyayari sa tunay na buhay ay sadyang pagkakataon lamang.

Isang araw, (sa di kalayuang hinaharap) habang binabagtas ni Ramon ang kahabaan ng EDSA sakay ang kanyang Cadillac Escalade, isang ke laking billboard ang ang pumukaw sa kanyang paningin. Ito ay isang billboard na nag eendorso na isang sikat na sikat at ubod ng class na brand ng damit...B.U.M. Equipment. Hindi ang damit...hindi ang mapang-akit na pose ng modelong babae ang tumawag pansin kay Ramon kundi ang ganda ng mukha ng modelo partikular na ang kanyang bibig. Tandang tanda nya ang mukhang iyon at ang bibig na tila mo'y pinag mumulan ng kakaibang ingay.

Bumalik sa kanyang alaala ang lumipas na panahon..panahon nung uso pa ang mga call center. Si Panyang....ang pinakamagandang callgirl ng kanyang panahon at sa balat ng callcenter industry. (*O sya, hindi na pinakamaganda, rereklamo pa eh.) Tandang tanda ni Ramon ang mga panahon yaon at kanya itong muling binalikan...Toonuununnoonnn...tooonuunoonuunnn.

"Alas dos na...tahimik. Wala pa ba sila?! Huling yosi break ko na toh dito...kakainis, ba't kasi kailangan pang lumipat ng RS!?" Pamaya maya'y narinig na nila ang kakaibang ingay na nagmumula sa bukana ng kanilang building na naghuhudyat at para bagang nagsasabing "A few times I've been around that track, So it's not just goin' to happen like that, 'Cause I ain't no holla back girl..I ain't no holla back girl." este...nagsasabing parating na sila... si AM, M1, M2, L2, L3 at si LM. Ang barkadahang kilala sa taguring "MEAN Gurlz". Hayy sa wakas... kala ko di makukumpleto araw ko hehehehe. "Hoy Ramon tapos na break! Isagad mo na tingin mo dahil huling tingin mo na yan hahaha!" ang sabi ng isang kaibigan ni Ramon.

Ang akala nga ni Ramon ay un na ang huling makakasabay nyang magyosi si Panyang aka LM. Hindi nya akalaing isang umaga ang isang imbitasyon mula sa Yahoo 360 ang bubulaga sa kanya at magpapabago ng kanyang buhay. Ang simula ng isang magandang samahan at pagkakaibigan.

WHOOOHOOO!!! YES!....YES!!!...YES!!!!! Ito ang mga huling katagang nagwakas sa kanyang pagbabaliktanaw.

Matapos nyang ipark ang kanyang Cadillac Escalade, sa likuran ng isang building sa Makati kung saan sya kasalukuyang nagtratrabaho bilang isang Manager, dali dali nyang hinanap ang kanyang organizer. Sabay hanap sa pangalang "Panyang". Ngiti ang bumalot sa kanyang mukha ng nakita nya ang numero ng cellfone nito. Wala syang inaksayang oras at itoy kanyang itinext...

"Hey! I saw ur billboard sa EDSA...naks! Na2pad mo n rin pla pangarap mo :) - Ramon".

Ilang sandali pa'y nagtextback si Panyang...

"Hey Ramon! Yeap! I just signed an xclusve contrct wid B.U.M. as their signature model :) musta na u? I've heard nka Escalade k n raw, natupad mo na rin pangarap mo?!".

Nagtextback ulit si Ramon...

"Matagal ko na po natupad pangarap ko.."

Nagtextback ulit si Panyang...

"Huh?! ano un? kelan? pa nu?"

Sa pagtextback ni Ramon, kanyang iniforward ang isang text message na matagal nang inuumag na sa kanyang inbox......

===============
Nsan k n fotah ka?

Sender:
Panyang Sun
+639221434454
===============

YOSI... A VIRTUE.

I've been smoking for bout 3 years now, kinda late bloomer hehehe. And yes I am well aware bout the note that you can see on the side of the Cig packet. "Government Warning: Cigarette Smoking Is Dangerous To Your Health" and if you're SOSYAL hehehe "SURGEON GENERAL'S WARNING: Smoking Causes Lung Cancer, Heart Disease, Emphysema, And May Complicate Pregnancy". Nobody has ever said good things about smoking or about a smoker. Wonder why.

If I exchanged places with you, I am sure you would also look up to smokers. I know it is difficult to be in my shoes, especially since they are one size more and smell a lot LOLz, but still it is worth a try for all the good it would bring to your life.

As what I've learned from friend of mine ( I don't wanna name him coz he might kill me after this)... Smoking gives him an excuse to not brush daily. For him, it's a waste of time, money and water. If God had wanted him to brush as he said, he would have had bristle-like hair on his index finger. But he does not.

A doctor told me I might have holes in my lungs. Amusing for somebody as knowledgeable as a doctor to say that and get upset over. After all, it is these holes that will help me by-pass blood and distribute Oxygen through out my body. They are more helpful as my Red Blood Corpuscles (RBCs) are anyways lethargic.

In fact, smoking helps me keep a tab on my fitness levels. I know when I am straining myself for I start panting. Pity all those who never know how many stairs they can climb. I can manage two flights.

The habit saves me money in ways more than one. When my colleagues are rushing to get food for lunch, I just need a glass of water or a cup of coffee. Guess, it is lack the of appetite, but I am not complaining if I can save atleast 80 pesos a day.
Before I began smoking, I was just like a nerd infront of my computer at my station everynight. But since I started lighting a cig, I've met a lot of beautiful, cool and interesting peeps. In addition, I've met two of my ex's thru smoking. I even got to know the MEAN GURLZ by it.

While on smoking, I have to tell you about this movie in which Anthony Hopkins is a cop who has decided to shoot a cowboy, played by Kevin Costner. The cop grants the cowboy his last wish…to which the latter says he wants to have his last smoke. At the mere mention of a smoke, the visibly upset cop ends up saying, "You know, smoking could kill you!?"

WHAT IS YOUR DREAM GIRL?

Mine would go something like this: Super sweet, with a big heart, very gentle and loving, laughs at all of my dumb jokes, definitely a girl who likes to cuddle, a girl who is committed, romantic, sensitive, and passionate. Someone who can say a million words to you without opening their mouth, not being afraid to get physical, confident, maybe even a lil' shy, a bit of a partier, a risk-taker, someone who will still flirt with me even after we've been together forever, smart, intellectual, loves to have fun and just be silly, and of course someone who loves me back!

Looks wise, I melt over a 5' 8" asian, with perfect vital stats 34-24-34, long black hair with dark brown eyes... it's just pure perfection for me... that's definitely my dream girl!