I EAT ANYTHING EDIBLE

My life has been full of quirks, idiosyncrasies, whims, eccentricity and oddity (It helps to know the usages of Thesaurus.. huh?). Here are the things about me that U don't know:

I EAT ANYTHING EDIBLE:

When I was in highschool, I've attended a survival training that was held in a swamp in Pampanga. We stayed there for 3 days without food, water and light. There, I learned how to catch and was forced to eat frogs, snails, dagang bukid, balang, bayawak, sawa and diff kinds of leaves, including mango leaves.

REASONS WHY U NEED A GF #2

Consider this post as my contribution to the society from where I got everything that I have today. All this while I (and you) have been made to think that I am against commitment and marriage. That’s not true…and even if I have created that impression…I apologize.

It has been a long while that I have looked around for a girlfriend…before I found one…during that time, I realized that a man really do need a girlfriend. Here are some reasons I could think :

TO INCREASE BANK BALANCE
Kha-yeh would agree to this. Had it not been for Kha-yeh, I wouldn’t have had such a nice bank balance when we got together. I agree that they come quite handy. To pay credit cards when the bankers come chasing, to pay phone bills when the connections are cut, to pay the rent when the landlord threatens….We all need girl friends. But are these girls doing it for us? No way…instead for their own selfish needs. If the credit card is blocked…she won’t be taken to the restaurant, if the phone connection stays pulled…no late night romantic calls…and if there is no house to go back to…what about those private moments?

MY PREFERENCES IN LIFE

I was just wondering what my preferences in life were. Do I have any opinions? Do I have any tastes? Do I have stands? Surprisingly, I have none.

This rules me out of the race for "D' Man of the Year". Pacquiao wins, hands down. How could somebody with no tastes, opinions and stands in life ever become popular?

I have no favorite food…though when I was a kid I used to like dunking my hot pandesal on a hot Carabao's milk. I have no favorite cars, and that’s why I have never bought one till now. I have no favorite foreign country and that is why I never been out of the Philippines. I don’t have a favorite place to stop and smoke, thus end up smoking at all places.

As for opinions, I don’t care who rules the world. I think it is Dick Cheney now. Or is he dead?!

When Bush and Kerry were running from pillar to post trying to seduce people, I never got seduced. I stood still…for I did not care who the President of US was.

Everybody has an opinion on everybody…but somehow I don’t. Perhaps, that is why I don’t like you.

And as for my stands…I have none. Even removed the one on my mountain bike back in highschool, and have to lean it against a wall or a tree.

“Would you want to come for a drink tonight...?” A normal man’s response would be ...where, when, how... but for me it is a simple: “Yeah sure.”

When Super EX-GF asks me to empty the dustbin, I have no stand... I just go and empty it.

But the thing is I am happy. Except for the fact that I need some money, and need a vacation, need some friends, need some good colleagues and need some good food. Otherwise, I am happy.

Does the fact that, I have no tastes, opinions or stands make me a robot? I guess, I should not be writing all this here ...coz if people from Microsoft, Redmond notice this, they might buy me off from SYKES for research on Artificial Intelligence. Pity, they would be disappointed at not finding intelligence.

But after reading this far…do you think Microsoft officials would be disappointed at not finding intelligence? I don’t think so.

MY POEM: THEN SHE CAME

My life used to be a blackhole,an active body without a soul,like a metamorphosis without a phase,a wide universe, but an empty space...

Then suddenly... she came along,she has an aura of an icon,the face of the goddess of Olympus,that everyone may die... if they lose.

She gave me my first glimpse of real life,and taught me how to love truly and deeply,she've got every little thing in me,so i fell unto her so easily.

Now i know why i smile, why i love, and why i breathe,how i appreciate life and all in it,cause then i used to doubt...angels exist,but she prove me wrong with her sweet, great myst.

REASONS WHY U NEED A GF #1

Consider this post as my contribution to the society from where I got everything that I have today. All this while I (and you) have been made to think that I am against commitment and marriage. That’s not true…and even if I have created that impression…I apologize.

It has been a long while that I have looked around for a girlfriend…before I found one…during that time, I realized that a man really do need a girlfriend. Here are some reasons I could think :

TO SHOW OFF
I know most of you men out there will agree that girl friends are a little difficult to walk with. I am not referring to their slow gait in tight trousers ..but figuratively. Not many of us actually like to walk on a busy road with a girl friend in tow? But we are forced to do that because of peer pressure. As a 24-year-old gentleman I spoke to last night put it: “Jonbang has one, Mark has one and even that dude Dondon has one. Won’t I be considered a loser if I don’t have a girlfriend?”

SECRET OF STAYING YOUNG

If you don’t know this, you are probably young. But the secret of staying young is to lie about your age. For example, next year, I'll be 23... promise :)

The good thing about aging is that you don’t have to do anything. Just keep advising and people will notice that you have grown old. By the way, I have no advices for anybody.

Does one become intelligent with age? I am not too sure. I guess, the young fools grow up to become old fools. All that talk of experience (that comes with age) making one sober is bullshit. OK fine... old bullshit.

As I said earlier, with age... advice starts flowing. Guess, when they become too old to set a bad example, they start giving good advice.

Talking of advice, I would say the best way to follow an advice is... do exactly the opposite of what is being said to you. Or better still... if you consider the advice very good, type it in a notepad, take a print out, frame it and hang it on your bathroom wall - one that gets the maximum water splash from the shower.

If you ask me what a good advice would be... I would say... find out what the other person wants to hear and then give him just that. At least, he wont put it up on his bathroom wall.

And why am I advising you? Don’t ask me... I am just worried about the younger generation. On second thoughts... I guess they would also grow up and start worrying about the younger generation.

So what are we trying to say here? Nothing... guess I am really just getting old.

10 THINGS I WANT TO DO

This is a borrowed idea. A colleague and a friend mentioned that I should write about the 10 things I want to do before I breathe my last. And here we go –

1) I want to skydive with my dream girl, and when there are a few kilometers to go, I want to close my eyes and kiss her. A free-wheelie. I know she's reading this right now.

2) I want to walk into a Bahay Ampunan, sort out the saddest kid and fulfill one of his/her wishes. Parang pang Miss Philippines hehehe.

3) I want to walk into a jewel-shop with my mom and dad beside me, and buy them the most expensive necklace and bracelet available. Nay..Tay, wag nyong isasangla hah!?

4) I want to have my own Billboard sa EDSA, endorsing a good brand or product. Wag lang gamot sa hadhad, alimpunga or buni.

5) I want to drive from Claveria to Zamboanga on my muscle car. Sana mabili ko ang Chevelle Malibu ng kapitbahay ko.

6) I want to meet the first love of my life (if I can call her that) and see how many kids she is a mother of and how fat she is LOLz. Would be a funny sight.

7) I want to meet Mr. Walter Navarro. My English Professor, my Mentor, a Friend. He is Jack Dumas...the original RAINMAN.

8) I want to spend a weekend with the other members of the Southern Boys and do all the wacky things we did back in college. Mark, Jon, Mon, Jimmy at Don-don miss ko na kayo mga pre.

9) I want to be the one to accompany my son/daughter on his/her first day in school. Sana sa Xavier or ICA hehehe.

10) I want to take my future wife's parents on a Las Haciendas De Aniciete tour and prove that their daughter landed a good catch. I hope they're your parents ;)

THE FALL OF MACHISMO

I have a feeling that very soon it wouldn't be cool to have a male child. I don’t know if you'll agree with me, but it is a fact that today 50% of the households start expecting a boy child as soon as somebody in the family gets pregnant. The rest are OK, if the child is born healthy.

Now, I have a feeling…the men are losing out in the battle of sexes. Times have changed. Women have started doing everything that was once considered man’s domain. They wear maong pants, they earn money, they are in the army, they decide…everything that WAS a man’s birthright …is today a woman’s job.

Not just in the outside world…even at home…she watches TV, reads the sports pages, warms the sofa and orders Pizza. The only thing that was a man’s responsibility (and his right) and is yet to be taken over by women is the ‘act of initiating sex’. But then, the success rate has been declining alarmingly.

Looks like very soon the women won’t need us. Even today, the only thing we men are being used for is to provide a fatherly figure for their sons and daughters.

They have hit back at us…and we are going to disintegrate. Soon, I think there would be male infanticide. With so few men to choose from and so many women dominating the scene…male prostitution will begin. Men will dress up in sexy dresses and 'll hit Malate... Quezon Ave... Cubao…women will come in cars to pick up the man of their choice.

The next day these tired men will be dropped near bus-stops in the same cars. Women will learn to spot the male-prostitute. There would be red-light areas where men would hang around …and talk dirty to attract the women. Women would letch at the men, thus lowering their self-esteem even further. One good thing of all this turn out would be…there would be no kids in red-light areas... because the men won’t be diagnosed with pregnancies.

With all the employment opportunities taken, men will rush towards the vacuum created by women... servants, baby-sitters, alalay, B-O-Y who would have joined the mainstream. They will do the house-keeping while single-women went about their work. They will ran erands...THEY WILL CLEAN THE TOILET.

Tnx to Kha-yeh... The good thing is I am already trained for such a scenario ;)

I AM A RAIN MAN

I am not a superman, but a RAIN MAN. In short, I just confessed that I love the rainy days. Don’t know if it has to do with Robin Padilla and Regine Velasquez, who formed a marked impression on me when they walked under the rain to the tune of "Tuwing Umuulan..at Kapiling Ka".

I love it when it rain...the cold wind....I know what the evil mind of yours is thinking. But to cut the long story short…I love rain. You are probably saying, finally there is something that this psycho loves beside himself.

My love for rain has nothing to do with all that cafe mocha that is created on a Batasan road after the rain. OK…if you are not as imaginative…you probably never realized it. Next time you see all that brown muddy water on the road…imagine it to be cafe mocha. After a car or a van passes by, for sometime the muddy water will resemble a chocolate milk-shake.

Over the years, my affinity towards rain has been motivated - for different reasons. When I was in 3rd Grade in SABBES…the school would submerge (not fully but at least a foot deep) after an hour rain. This meant no class for two days….now don’t blame me for loving rain.

As I grew my reasons changed. When I'm in Hi-School, I loved going to school on rainy days….because half the class wouldn’t have turned up and the teachers dare not teach. Some of the teachers would be absent. I still remember a sleeping teacher sitting in front even as we spent the 45 minute periods talking our way to glory.

When in college, it provided us with an excellent excuse to come late or bunk classes. In Espana, traffic depends on seasons. There are two seasons - the seasons to DRIVE (Summer) and the season to DIVE (Rainy).

When it rained we would all go to the nearby waiting shed and stand gaping at the girls from the nearby FEU, CEU and Baste.

Girls, trying to avoid the muddy and greasy waters on the road are a pretty site. They are poetry. Reams and reams can be written on the expression one can see on their faces. Next time it rains, go to a muddy, water-logged road. Look out for a 16-22 year old girl walk through/around the water (remember, age is important here. )…you will know what I mean.

NOW...I juz love rain for the fringe benefits. It's nice to stay at home, watch TV at MAGYOSI...tnx to the RAIN.

ANG PANGARAP NI RAMON

PAALALA: Ang kwentong ito ay kathang isip lamang, ang anumang pagkakahawig ng mga pangalan ng tao, lugar at pangyayari sa tunay na buhay ay sadyang pagkakataon lamang.

Isang araw, (sa di kalayuang hinaharap) habang binabagtas ni Ramon ang kahabaan ng EDSA sakay ang kanyang Cadillac Escalade, isang ke laking billboard ang ang pumukaw sa kanyang paningin. Ito ay isang billboard na nag eendorso na isang sikat na sikat at ubod ng class na brand ng damit...B.U.M. Equipment. Hindi ang damit...hindi ang mapang-akit na pose ng modelong babae ang tumawag pansin kay Ramon kundi ang ganda ng mukha ng modelo partikular na ang kanyang bibig. Tandang tanda nya ang mukhang iyon at ang bibig na tila mo'y pinag mumulan ng kakaibang ingay.

Bumalik sa kanyang alaala ang lumipas na panahon..panahon nung uso pa ang mga call center. Si Panyang....ang pinakamagandang callgirl ng kanyang panahon at sa balat ng callcenter industry. (*O sya, hindi na pinakamaganda, rereklamo pa eh.) Tandang tanda ni Ramon ang mga panahon yaon at kanya itong muling binalikan...Toonuununnoonnn...tooonuunoonuunnn.

"Alas dos na...tahimik. Wala pa ba sila?! Huling yosi break ko na toh dito...kakainis, ba't kasi kailangan pang lumipat ng RS!?" Pamaya maya'y narinig na nila ang kakaibang ingay na nagmumula sa bukana ng kanilang building na naghuhudyat at para bagang nagsasabing "A few times I've been around that track, So it's not just goin' to happen like that, 'Cause I ain't no holla back girl..I ain't no holla back girl." este...nagsasabing parating na sila... si AM, M1, M2, L2, L3 at si LM. Ang barkadahang kilala sa taguring "MEAN Gurlz". Hayy sa wakas... kala ko di makukumpleto araw ko hehehehe. "Hoy Ramon tapos na break! Isagad mo na tingin mo dahil huling tingin mo na yan hahaha!" ang sabi ng isang kaibigan ni Ramon.

Ang akala nga ni Ramon ay un na ang huling makakasabay nyang magyosi si Panyang aka LM. Hindi nya akalaing isang umaga ang isang imbitasyon mula sa Yahoo 360 ang bubulaga sa kanya at magpapabago ng kanyang buhay. Ang simula ng isang magandang samahan at pagkakaibigan.

WHOOOHOOO!!! YES!....YES!!!...YES!!!!! Ito ang mga huling katagang nagwakas sa kanyang pagbabaliktanaw.

Matapos nyang ipark ang kanyang Cadillac Escalade, sa likuran ng isang building sa Makati kung saan sya kasalukuyang nagtratrabaho bilang isang Manager, dali dali nyang hinanap ang kanyang organizer. Sabay hanap sa pangalang "Panyang". Ngiti ang bumalot sa kanyang mukha ng nakita nya ang numero ng cellfone nito. Wala syang inaksayang oras at itoy kanyang itinext...

"Hey! I saw ur billboard sa EDSA...naks! Na2pad mo n rin pla pangarap mo :) - Ramon".

Ilang sandali pa'y nagtextback si Panyang...

"Hey Ramon! Yeap! I just signed an xclusve contrct wid B.U.M. as their signature model :) musta na u? I've heard nka Escalade k n raw, natupad mo na rin pangarap mo?!".

Nagtextback ulit si Ramon...

"Matagal ko na po natupad pangarap ko.."

Nagtextback ulit si Panyang...

"Huh?! ano un? kelan? pa nu?"

Sa pagtextback ni Ramon, kanyang iniforward ang isang text message na matagal nang inuumag na sa kanyang inbox......

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