ALA 'EH! BATANGENONG AMERIKANO

Everytime me and my friend Barley are together, there is no chance that we're not going to exchange jokes and what not. One night when I accompanied him and her gf Tina in a diner at Steak In, Steak Out, I hit him with this joke that my kuya once told me. Again, I didn't failed to make Barley laff and he convinced me to write this joke or may I say kwentong barbero on this post.

Batangenyong Amerikano:

Sa Lipa, Batangas, may dalawang magkapatid na Fil-Am, si Michael at si Jackson. Ang kanilang ina ay naanakan ng isang G.I. sa Subic, hindi nila nakilala ang kanilang ama. Lumaki ang dalawa sa Batangas, dahil sa may dugong Amerikano, silang dalawa ay puti at mukha talagang Kano. Dumating ang panahon na magbinata ang dalawa at mag aaral na ng college sa Maynila. Bago lumuwas ng Maynila, silang dalawa ay may napag usapan.

Michael: "Ala'eh kuya, kailangan pag tayo'y nasa Maynila na ay dapat tayo'y mag-ingles. Nang tayo naman ay magpagkamalang tunay na Amerikano ba gah.

Jackson: "Ala'ey maganda yang naisip mo Jackson... sigurado bagang papansinin tayo ng mga chicks nuon ay!".

Nung sila ay nasa Maynila na, sa loob ng unibersidad na kanilang pinasukan, may mga nakatambay na mga chikas... ito na ang pagkakataong hinihintay ng dalawa. Nag hiwalay sila ng pwesto at kunwari'y nagkasalubong at ngayon lang ulit nagkita...sabay:

Jackson: "Ala'ehhyy how are you gah?"

Michael: "Ala 'ehhyyyy I'm fine eh!"

Hehehehe English speaking nga lol.

I THOUGHT I WAS A SCIENTIST

My life has been full of quirks, whims, idiosyncrasies, eccentricity and oddity (It helps to know the usages of Thesaurus.. huh?). Here's another thing about me that you do not know:

I THOUGHT I WAS A SCIENTIST:

My love for science made me think I was destined to be a scientist. I know it is hard to believe but once I had my own laboratory. It had different kinds rock, plastics, glass pieces, leaves and what not. I would even embark on one of those walks of self-discovery because I was told that’s what scientists did. Stay aloof.

When I was 13, I remember taking two aluminum wires and inserting one end of both in the two holes of a electrical socket and immersing the other two ends in a steel jar filled with water. The idea was to heat the water. The experiment ended with a blast when the main fuse of my grandparents' house went off for a couple of minutes.

WORST PICK UP LINES EVER

Knowing that the attraction between you and that cute person is mutual… trying trendy new restaurants… getting that rush from smooching someone for the first time—these are just a few of the perks to the single life. But, alas, there is a downside to being relationship-free: The torture of being subjected to stale, decades-old, pick-up lines is penance for all that fun.

In a survey taken across a range of age groups, geographical borders and lifestyles, we have compiled the top 10 worst pick-up lines that have sullied the ears of singles everywhere. Read on, and see how many of these have been lobbed in your direction.

1. “What’s your sign?”
The epitome of cheese, this line, which has been around since the Beatles came to America, ranks as the very worst line in dating history.

2. “Pardon me, I seem to have lost my phone number, can I borrow yours?”
Maybe this was funny around 1910 or 1915—back when the telephone was a novel appliance. It does not inspire smiles now, only scared and doomed looks.

3. “You must be a broom because you’re sweeping me off my feet.”
Maybe your dad used this one on your mom and for nostalgia’s sake, you’re bringing it out again. Nostalgia does not get you dates, only pity.

4. “Do you have a license? Because you’re driving me crazy.”
Caution! Watching too many stupid teen movies impairs your judgment. This probably sounded clever to the person who swiped it from an Annette and Frankie beach party flick.

5. “I gotta thirst and baby, you look like my Gatorade.”
Generally, comparing potential dates to food or drinks is not a winning move.

6. “Are you lost? Because heaven’s a long way from here.”
Maybe angels like this one, but real women don’t.

7. “Are you religious? Because you’re the answer to all my prayers.”
Prayer is something that anyone who uses this tacky line desperately needs.

8. “Can I take your picture? I want Santa to know exactly what I want for Christmas.”
This line is popular with both men and women who think references to Santa are cute and charming, which are qualities that they never possess personally.

9. “Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again?”
I know it’s an old one but it took guts to say it.

10. “Well, here I am. What are your other two wishes?”
A personal favorite, this one takes a certain amount of arrogance, as well as delusion, to pull off.

WHEN U ARE INLUV WITH URSELF

Yesterday before my gf left, she said "I love you so much.”

I replied..... “Yeah, I also love myself so much.”

She called me an egotist and refused to stop when I tried to stop her from walking away. Either she was upset or she's going to be late for work.

Good, my gf has finally realized the truth. I wonder why it took her so long to understand that I love myself. Chances are, she did not notice all those love bites on my mirror image.

I don’t want to be bragging here, but I think if only I were a little more modest… I would be the perfect human being that ever walked this Earth. I just need to be a little more modest… that is all.

I found out that I was perfect the day I played Tony "The Engineer" in a school play...uhm "New Yorker In Tondo"...that's the play. After I got off the stage, the audience went loud, crazy and unruly. I had to get back on the stage and request them to be calm. At this juncture, one of my classmates walked up to me and said: “You were amazing. I don’t have words to describe you.”

I said: “Try harder.”

He didn’t yield to my prompt and we spent the next ten minutes discussing the last few days of my schooling and what my future plans were. When I got bored I told him: “Enough of me….let us now talk about you.”

I could see he was happy.

“What do YOU think of me?” I asked him…but he stared right through me and went on his way.
If you don’t love yourself… I pity you. I wonder if you will ever be able to love anybody from the bottom of your heart.

A friend of mine has fallen in love with himself and is looking forward to a life-long romance. As if that was not enough, another friend wants to die in his own arms.

Now, what do you call that?

REASONS WHY U NEED A GF #3

Consider this post as my contribution to the society from where I got everything that I have today. All this while I (and you) have been made to think that I am against commitment and marriage. That’s not true…and even if I have created that impression…I apologize.

It has been a long while that I have looked around for a girlfriend…before I found one…during that time, I realized that a man really do need a girlfriend. Here are some reasons I could think :

EYECANDY: TO ADD GLAMOUR TO LIFE
Who doesn’t love to have a lady nearby? I do. The formula one guys do. P Diddy and his BadBoys do. This wouldn’t have been a problem if the ladies didn’t know the secret. Now that it is out in the open we can’t do much about it. Knowing our weakness for glamour…the ladies have started presenting themselves as show pieces. So much so… last survey showed that the number of feminists in the Philippines was coming down. Ladies have realized they can get the men to do a whole lot more if they are Eyecandies.

MY ANGEL CAME

God made you before me, And in dreams.... I only got the chance to see. A face as beautiful as heaven. Ohh... How I long to be in your haven.

I want to feel your warm and soft touch, Comforted me as soft as the clouds above. I want to hear your voice, whisper to my ears, Like a wind flowing on a sunflower field.

I want to see you...My Angel. Hold you in my arms and cuddle with tender. Though I knew this can be only in my dream, I still wish that this can be real.

Then suddenly heaven open its gate, and ends up my loneliness and my long wait. For you descend to my earth from heaven, and fill my life of love that is forever.

SORRY...NO SHORTKEYS IN REAL LIFE

Everyday... I'm answering e-mail, making reports etc etc... and I realized how shortkeys really helped me on doin all these tasks. I've realized... if only we could use shortkeys in real life... it'll be a lot of fun!

For example, earlier before going to work, I can't find my ID. If our lives were only influenced by shortkeys…I should be capable of pressing Control+F and find my ID!

Umpteen times we would do or say something to our managers and immediately realize that in life there is no going back. That is to say, there is no Control+Z.

How much I wish there were a Control+Z in real life. There are no memos flyin around my desk lol... and shouldn't have been scolded by my girlfriend.

Imagine you're all alone smoking in the smoking area with one of those HOT GIRLS in your office, you can just do a Control+C and then a Control+V to all your pick-up lines and see if this pretty girl falls for the lines that your girlfriend fell for. It would save you from using the same lines again and again…especially since you would have been using it since your late teens. A little like your teachers in highschool using the same old notebook to teach since 1967.

If only our real lives were really influenced by shortkeys, we could just pressed F5 and refreshed ourselves in the evenings and rushed to parties. And when it was time for office, leave the club…. press F5, refresh yourself and be in office.

But alas, that is not to be. And we are forced to make choices. Club? Or Office? If only a Control+A worked here! BTW, Control+A selects all.

You are probably wondering why you're reading this crappy Blog. Don't like it?! easy… just press Alt+F4.

CAFFEINE

I've been trying to stay away from caffeine this week and was able to do so from Monday until this morning when my body just couldn't take it anymore. Yesterday was already bad when I actually fell asleep at my station. So for the first time in about three days I had a nice cup of coffee and lo and behold I feel a lot better, not as perky as I would like to feel, but at least my eye seem to stay open most of the time today.

I have been getting my caffiene fix here at the office from the coffee stuffs I get in different groceries in the past as coffee doesn't agree with me for some reason. Must have been all those strong beermugs full of coffee I used to make at home. So far the coffee is behaving in my tummy, but I think one cup is enough for now. And at least my current medication seems to control my acidic stomach enough so that I can at least go the whole day without excrutiating cramps and heartburn.

I EAT ANYTHING EDIBLE

My life has been full of quirks, idiosyncrasies, whims, eccentricity and oddity (It helps to know the usages of Thesaurus.. huh?). Here are the things about me that U don't know:

I EAT ANYTHING EDIBLE:

When I was in highschool, I've attended a survival training that was held in a swamp in Pampanga. We stayed there for 3 days without food, water and light. There, I learned how to catch and was forced to eat frogs, snails, dagang bukid, balang, bayawak, sawa and diff kinds of leaves, including mango leaves.

REASONS WHY U NEED A GF #2

Consider this post as my contribution to the society from where I got everything that I have today. All this while I (and you) have been made to think that I am against commitment and marriage. That’s not true…and even if I have created that impression…I apologize.

It has been a long while that I have looked around for a girlfriend…before I found one…during that time, I realized that a man really do need a girlfriend. Here are some reasons I could think :

TO INCREASE BANK BALANCE
Kha-yeh would agree to this. Had it not been for Kha-yeh, I wouldn’t have had such a nice bank balance when we got together. I agree that they come quite handy. To pay credit cards when the bankers come chasing, to pay phone bills when the connections are cut, to pay the rent when the landlord threatens….We all need girl friends. But are these girls doing it for us? No way…instead for their own selfish needs. If the credit card is blocked…she won’t be taken to the restaurant, if the phone connection stays pulled…no late night romantic calls…and if there is no house to go back to…what about those private moments?

MY PREFERENCES IN LIFE

I was just wondering what my preferences in life were. Do I have any opinions? Do I have any tastes? Do I have stands? Surprisingly, I have none.

This rules me out of the race for "D' Man of the Year". Pacquiao wins, hands down. How could somebody with no tastes, opinions and stands in life ever become popular?

I have no favorite food…though when I was a kid I used to like dunking my hot pandesal on a hot Carabao's milk. I have no favorite cars, and that’s why I have never bought one till now. I have no favorite foreign country and that is why I never been out of the Philippines. I don’t have a favorite place to stop and smoke, thus end up smoking at all places.

As for opinions, I don’t care who rules the world. I think it is Dick Cheney now. Or is he dead?!

When Bush and Kerry were running from pillar to post trying to seduce people, I never got seduced. I stood still…for I did not care who the President of US was.

Everybody has an opinion on everybody…but somehow I don’t. Perhaps, that is why I don’t like you.

And as for my stands…I have none. Even removed the one on my mountain bike back in highschool, and have to lean it against a wall or a tree.

“Would you want to come for a drink tonight...?” A normal man’s response would be ...where, when, how... but for me it is a simple: “Yeah sure.”

When Super EX-GF asks me to empty the dustbin, I have no stand... I just go and empty it.

But the thing is I am happy. Except for the fact that I need some money, and need a vacation, need some friends, need some good colleagues and need some good food. Otherwise, I am happy.

Does the fact that, I have no tastes, opinions or stands make me a robot? I guess, I should not be writing all this here ...coz if people from Microsoft, Redmond notice this, they might buy me off from SYKES for research on Artificial Intelligence. Pity, they would be disappointed at not finding intelligence.

But after reading this far…do you think Microsoft officials would be disappointed at not finding intelligence? I don’t think so.

MY POEM: THEN SHE CAME

My life used to be a blackhole,an active body without a soul,like a metamorphosis without a phase,a wide universe, but an empty space...

Then suddenly... she came along,she has an aura of an icon,the face of the goddess of Olympus,that everyone may die... if they lose.

She gave me my first glimpse of real life,and taught me how to love truly and deeply,she've got every little thing in me,so i fell unto her so easily.

Now i know why i smile, why i love, and why i breathe,how i appreciate life and all in it,cause then i used to doubt...angels exist,but she prove me wrong with her sweet, great myst.

REASONS WHY U NEED A GF #1

Consider this post as my contribution to the society from where I got everything that I have today. All this while I (and you) have been made to think that I am against commitment and marriage. That’s not true…and even if I have created that impression…I apologize.

It has been a long while that I have looked around for a girlfriend…before I found one…during that time, I realized that a man really do need a girlfriend. Here are some reasons I could think :

TO SHOW OFF
I know most of you men out there will agree that girl friends are a little difficult to walk with. I am not referring to their slow gait in tight trousers ..but figuratively. Not many of us actually like to walk on a busy road with a girl friend in tow? But we are forced to do that because of peer pressure. As a 24-year-old gentleman I spoke to last night put it: “Jonbang has one, Mark has one and even that dude Dondon has one. Won’t I be considered a loser if I don’t have a girlfriend?”

SECRET OF STAYING YOUNG

If you don’t know this, you are probably young. But the secret of staying young is to lie about your age. For example, next year, I'll be 23... promise :)

The good thing about aging is that you don’t have to do anything. Just keep advising and people will notice that you have grown old. By the way, I have no advices for anybody.

Does one become intelligent with age? I am not too sure. I guess, the young fools grow up to become old fools. All that talk of experience (that comes with age) making one sober is bullshit. OK fine... old bullshit.

As I said earlier, with age... advice starts flowing. Guess, when they become too old to set a bad example, they start giving good advice.

Talking of advice, I would say the best way to follow an advice is... do exactly the opposite of what is being said to you. Or better still... if you consider the advice very good, type it in a notepad, take a print out, frame it and hang it on your bathroom wall - one that gets the maximum water splash from the shower.

If you ask me what a good advice would be... I would say... find out what the other person wants to hear and then give him just that. At least, he wont put it up on his bathroom wall.

And why am I advising you? Don’t ask me... I am just worried about the younger generation. On second thoughts... I guess they would also grow up and start worrying about the younger generation.

So what are we trying to say here? Nothing... guess I am really just getting old.

10 THINGS I WANT TO DO

This is a borrowed idea. A colleague and a friend mentioned that I should write about the 10 things I want to do before I breathe my last. And here we go –

1) I want to skydive with my dream girl, and when there are a few kilometers to go, I want to close my eyes and kiss her. A free-wheelie. I know she's reading this right now.

2) I want to walk into a Bahay Ampunan, sort out the saddest kid and fulfill one of his/her wishes. Parang pang Miss Philippines hehehe.

3) I want to walk into a jewel-shop with my mom and dad beside me, and buy them the most expensive necklace and bracelet available. Nay..Tay, wag nyong isasangla hah!?

4) I want to have my own Billboard sa EDSA, endorsing a good brand or product. Wag lang gamot sa hadhad, alimpunga or buni.

5) I want to drive from Claveria to Zamboanga on my muscle car. Sana mabili ko ang Chevelle Malibu ng kapitbahay ko.

6) I want to meet the first love of my life (if I can call her that) and see how many kids she is a mother of and how fat she is LOLz. Would be a funny sight.

7) I want to meet Mr. Walter Navarro. My English Professor, my Mentor, a Friend. He is Jack Dumas...the original RAINMAN.

8) I want to spend a weekend with the other members of the Southern Boys and do all the wacky things we did back in college. Mark, Jon, Mon, Jimmy at Don-don miss ko na kayo mga pre.

9) I want to be the one to accompany my son/daughter on his/her first day in school. Sana sa Xavier or ICA hehehe.

10) I want to take my future wife's parents on a Las Haciendas De Aniciete tour and prove that their daughter landed a good catch. I hope they're your parents ;)

THE FALL OF MACHISMO

I have a feeling that very soon it wouldn't be cool to have a male child. I don’t know if you'll agree with me, but it is a fact that today 50% of the households start expecting a boy child as soon as somebody in the family gets pregnant. The rest are OK, if the child is born healthy.

Now, I have a feeling…the men are losing out in the battle of sexes. Times have changed. Women have started doing everything that was once considered man’s domain. They wear maong pants, they earn money, they are in the army, they decide…everything that WAS a man’s birthright …is today a woman’s job.

Not just in the outside world…even at home…she watches TV, reads the sports pages, warms the sofa and orders Pizza. The only thing that was a man’s responsibility (and his right) and is yet to be taken over by women is the ‘act of initiating sex’. But then, the success rate has been declining alarmingly.

Looks like very soon the women won’t need us. Even today, the only thing we men are being used for is to provide a fatherly figure for their sons and daughters.

They have hit back at us…and we are going to disintegrate. Soon, I think there would be male infanticide. With so few men to choose from and so many women dominating the scene…male prostitution will begin. Men will dress up in sexy dresses and 'll hit Malate... Quezon Ave... Cubao…women will come in cars to pick up the man of their choice.

The next day these tired men will be dropped near bus-stops in the same cars. Women will learn to spot the male-prostitute. There would be red-light areas where men would hang around …and talk dirty to attract the women. Women would letch at the men, thus lowering their self-esteem even further. One good thing of all this turn out would be…there would be no kids in red-light areas... because the men won’t be diagnosed with pregnancies.

With all the employment opportunities taken, men will rush towards the vacuum created by women... servants, baby-sitters, alalay, B-O-Y who would have joined the mainstream. They will do the house-keeping while single-women went about their work. They will ran erands...THEY WILL CLEAN THE TOILET.

Tnx to Kha-yeh... The good thing is I am already trained for such a scenario ;)

I AM A RAIN MAN

I am not a superman, but a RAIN MAN. In short, I just confessed that I love the rainy days. Don’t know if it has to do with Robin Padilla and Regine Velasquez, who formed a marked impression on me when they walked under the rain to the tune of "Tuwing Umuulan..at Kapiling Ka".

I love it when it rain...the cold wind....I know what the evil mind of yours is thinking. But to cut the long story short…I love rain. You are probably saying, finally there is something that this psycho loves beside himself.

My love for rain has nothing to do with all that cafe mocha that is created on a Batasan road after the rain. OK…if you are not as imaginative…you probably never realized it. Next time you see all that brown muddy water on the road…imagine it to be cafe mocha. After a car or a van passes by, for sometime the muddy water will resemble a chocolate milk-shake.

Over the years, my affinity towards rain has been motivated - for different reasons. When I was in 3rd Grade in SABBES…the school would submerge (not fully but at least a foot deep) after an hour rain. This meant no class for two days….now don’t blame me for loving rain.

As I grew my reasons changed. When I'm in Hi-School, I loved going to school on rainy days….because half the class wouldn’t have turned up and the teachers dare not teach. Some of the teachers would be absent. I still remember a sleeping teacher sitting in front even as we spent the 45 minute periods talking our way to glory.

When in college, it provided us with an excellent excuse to come late or bunk classes. In Espana, traffic depends on seasons. There are two seasons - the seasons to DRIVE (Summer) and the season to DIVE (Rainy).

When it rained we would all go to the nearby waiting shed and stand gaping at the girls from the nearby FEU, CEU and Baste.

Girls, trying to avoid the muddy and greasy waters on the road are a pretty site. They are poetry. Reams and reams can be written on the expression one can see on their faces. Next time it rains, go to a muddy, water-logged road. Look out for a 16-22 year old girl walk through/around the water (remember, age is important here. )…you will know what I mean.

NOW...I juz love rain for the fringe benefits. It's nice to stay at home, watch TV at MAGYOSI...tnx to the RAIN.

ANG PANGARAP NI RAMON

PAALALA: Ang kwentong ito ay kathang isip lamang, ang anumang pagkakahawig ng mga pangalan ng tao, lugar at pangyayari sa tunay na buhay ay sadyang pagkakataon lamang.

Isang araw, (sa di kalayuang hinaharap) habang binabagtas ni Ramon ang kahabaan ng EDSA sakay ang kanyang Cadillac Escalade, isang ke laking billboard ang ang pumukaw sa kanyang paningin. Ito ay isang billboard na nag eendorso na isang sikat na sikat at ubod ng class na brand ng damit...B.U.M. Equipment. Hindi ang damit...hindi ang mapang-akit na pose ng modelong babae ang tumawag pansin kay Ramon kundi ang ganda ng mukha ng modelo partikular na ang kanyang bibig. Tandang tanda nya ang mukhang iyon at ang bibig na tila mo'y pinag mumulan ng kakaibang ingay.

Bumalik sa kanyang alaala ang lumipas na panahon..panahon nung uso pa ang mga call center. Si Panyang....ang pinakamagandang callgirl ng kanyang panahon at sa balat ng callcenter industry. (*O sya, hindi na pinakamaganda, rereklamo pa eh.) Tandang tanda ni Ramon ang mga panahon yaon at kanya itong muling binalikan...Toonuununnoonnn...tooonuunoonuunnn.

"Alas dos na...tahimik. Wala pa ba sila?! Huling yosi break ko na toh dito...kakainis, ba't kasi kailangan pang lumipat ng RS!?" Pamaya maya'y narinig na nila ang kakaibang ingay na nagmumula sa bukana ng kanilang building na naghuhudyat at para bagang nagsasabing "A few times I've been around that track, So it's not just goin' to happen like that, 'Cause I ain't no holla back girl..I ain't no holla back girl." este...nagsasabing parating na sila... si AM, M1, M2, L2, L3 at si LM. Ang barkadahang kilala sa taguring "MEAN Gurlz". Hayy sa wakas... kala ko di makukumpleto araw ko hehehehe. "Hoy Ramon tapos na break! Isagad mo na tingin mo dahil huling tingin mo na yan hahaha!" ang sabi ng isang kaibigan ni Ramon.

Ang akala nga ni Ramon ay un na ang huling makakasabay nyang magyosi si Panyang aka LM. Hindi nya akalaing isang umaga ang isang imbitasyon mula sa Yahoo 360 ang bubulaga sa kanya at magpapabago ng kanyang buhay. Ang simula ng isang magandang samahan at pagkakaibigan.

WHOOOHOOO!!! YES!....YES!!!...YES!!!!! Ito ang mga huling katagang nagwakas sa kanyang pagbabaliktanaw.

Matapos nyang ipark ang kanyang Cadillac Escalade, sa likuran ng isang building sa Makati kung saan sya kasalukuyang nagtratrabaho bilang isang Manager, dali dali nyang hinanap ang kanyang organizer. Sabay hanap sa pangalang "Panyang". Ngiti ang bumalot sa kanyang mukha ng nakita nya ang numero ng cellfone nito. Wala syang inaksayang oras at itoy kanyang itinext...

"Hey! I saw ur billboard sa EDSA...naks! Na2pad mo n rin pla pangarap mo :) - Ramon".

Ilang sandali pa'y nagtextback si Panyang...

"Hey Ramon! Yeap! I just signed an xclusve contrct wid B.U.M. as their signature model :) musta na u? I've heard nka Escalade k n raw, natupad mo na rin pangarap mo?!".

Nagtextback ulit si Ramon...

"Matagal ko na po natupad pangarap ko.."

Nagtextback ulit si Panyang...

"Huh?! ano un? kelan? pa nu?"

Sa pagtextback ni Ramon, kanyang iniforward ang isang text message na matagal nang inuumag na sa kanyang inbox......

===============
Nsan k n fotah ka?

Sender:
Panyang Sun
+639221434454
===============

YOSI... A VIRTUE.

I've been smoking for bout 3 years now, kinda late bloomer hehehe. And yes I am well aware bout the note that you can see on the side of the Cig packet. "Government Warning: Cigarette Smoking Is Dangerous To Your Health" and if you're SOSYAL hehehe "SURGEON GENERAL'S WARNING: Smoking Causes Lung Cancer, Heart Disease, Emphysema, And May Complicate Pregnancy". Nobody has ever said good things about smoking or about a smoker. Wonder why.

If I exchanged places with you, I am sure you would also look up to smokers. I know it is difficult to be in my shoes, especially since they are one size more and smell a lot LOLz, but still it is worth a try for all the good it would bring to your life.

As what I've learned from friend of mine ( I don't wanna name him coz he might kill me after this)... Smoking gives him an excuse to not brush daily. For him, it's a waste of time, money and water. If God had wanted him to brush as he said, he would have had bristle-like hair on his index finger. But he does not.

A doctor told me I might have holes in my lungs. Amusing for somebody as knowledgeable as a doctor to say that and get upset over. After all, it is these holes that will help me by-pass blood and distribute Oxygen through out my body. They are more helpful as my Red Blood Corpuscles (RBCs) are anyways lethargic.

In fact, smoking helps me keep a tab on my fitness levels. I know when I am straining myself for I start panting. Pity all those who never know how many stairs they can climb. I can manage two flights.

The habit saves me money in ways more than one. When my colleagues are rushing to get food for lunch, I just need a glass of water or a cup of coffee. Guess, it is lack the of appetite, but I am not complaining if I can save atleast 80 pesos a day.
Before I began smoking, I was just like a nerd infront of my computer at my station everynight. But since I started lighting a cig, I've met a lot of beautiful, cool and interesting peeps. In addition, I've met two of my ex's thru smoking. I even got to know the MEAN GURLZ by it.

While on smoking, I have to tell you about this movie in which Anthony Hopkins is a cop who has decided to shoot a cowboy, played by Kevin Costner. The cop grants the cowboy his last wish…to which the latter says he wants to have his last smoke. At the mere mention of a smoke, the visibly upset cop ends up saying, "You know, smoking could kill you!?"

WHAT IS YOUR DREAM GIRL?

Mine would go something like this: Super sweet, with a big heart, very gentle and loving, laughs at all of my dumb jokes, definitely a girl who likes to cuddle, a girl who is committed, romantic, sensitive, and passionate. Someone who can say a million words to you without opening their mouth, not being afraid to get physical, confident, maybe even a lil' shy, a bit of a partier, a risk-taker, someone who will still flirt with me even after we've been together forever, smart, intellectual, loves to have fun and just be silly, and of course someone who loves me back!

Looks wise, I melt over a 5' 8" asian, with perfect vital stats 34-24-34, long black hair with dark brown eyes... it's just pure perfection for me... that's definitely my dream girl!

WHO IS DAMEN?

I dunno why... I do not belong to a very religious family but how the hell my name... all of them seem to came from the Bible?! It's not that its not good tho... Abraham (from Prophet Abraham), Bautista (from John the Baptist) Aniciete (7 Years... from the Pharaoh's dream of 7 good years and 7 years of famine)... and Damen (from the Demon lol).

Anyways, I've been called with so many names, Abraham, Bong, Yitzhak, Johan-gon, Ambong... To some, I'm just another ordinary, everyday guy. To others, I am the big surprise. I am DAMEN... I'M THE HAND UNDER MONA LISA'S SKIRT.